Chapter 34: Chest Plank Boulder Break
T/N: Remember this chest plank boulder break thing is very real. In fact, Russian and North Korean Special Forces still do it. You basically put a rock slab on a guy’s chest. The guy is held up by his head and feet (in the extreme version) or he’s held up in a less straining manner. And then another guy swings a huge hammer and breaks the rock on his chest/abdomen.
The person sparring with Li Yundong was a fourth year senior of the Physical Education department. His physique was herculean. In the Taekwondo Society, he was only third to Zhao Yujian and Zeng Qing.
Li Yundong could easily perceive rejection and hostility on his face. Obviously, this fellow did not want to partner with him.
However, Li Yundong’s previous performance at the Taekwondo Society had already intimidated him. Furthermore, this was for the sake of the Taekwondo Society’s reputation, he could only brace himself and do his best.
While Li Yundong had not trained seriously in Taekwondo for even a day, his body had already been remodeled by the Human Origin Gold Pill. Similar to Zhang Wuji’s state after practicing the Nine Yang Divine Skill and the Heaven and Earth Great Shift, the martial arts of this world did not present any obstacle or mystery for him.*1 Just by casually fiddling around, while there may be some disparity in how he exerted his strength, there were definitely no discrepancies that could be detected by an observer.
Li Yundong and the fourth year senior bowed to each other, then they each took a stance and started sparring.
This type of sparring was actually a type of partner drill. While the spectators in the audience watched excitedly, in reality, neither of the two participants had even suffered a scratch.
It was just that each and every one of Li Yundong’s movements contained great power, especially when punching. The wind from his fist made whooshing sounds. The senior who was sparring with Li Yundong was secretly scared witless. He was afraid that if he were careless and let a punch land, then he would be forced to keep Zhao Yujian company in the hospital!
‘Damn it. This kid is a monster!’ the senior cursed to himself, ‘Just two days ago, he was like a newbie who never practiced taekwondo. Now, his every move looked more flawless than the coach!’
As they say, ‘when an expert shows his skill, you’ll know if he’s the real deal.’
When Li Yundong showed his skills, that vast strength and majestic energy contained in every single punch and kick definitely could not be faked. The students and teachers who were watching the rehearsal in the auditorium all nodded to themselves.
The eyes of the girls among them lit up. Some of the girls sourly gazed upon Su Chan, harboring resentment in their hearts. Why did they not discover Li Yundong, the hidden gem, back then? And now, everything ended up benefiting this vixen as a result.
Zhuang Hui watched the valiant and heroic Li Yundong spar with his partner from the backstage. During the spar, Li Yundong would let out loud shouts, his majestic masculine voice resonating like roaring thunder. The sound of every shout would cause her heart to skip a beat.
Zhuang Hui involuntarily turned her head to glance at her dancing partner who she used to find incredibly handsome. She felt great regret. ‘Why did her dancing partner seem so unbearably effeminate now? Truly, when comparing goods, junk deserves to get thrown away, and when comparing people, trash deserves to die! Why did I use such unequivocal language earlier? Feng Nuo only needs to say a few negative things about me in front of Li Yundong, then I will stand no chance at all.’
However, Zhuang Hui was also a proud girl. She thought, ‘If I have no chance then that’s that. What’s the big deal? There are tons of handsome guys and awesome men in this world!’
Even though Zhuang Hui thought like that, there was a tightness in her heart that was difficult to bear, for a time her eyes brimmed with tears.
When Li Yundong and his senior finished their spar, applause resounded throughout the entire auditorium.
After Li Yundong had a chance to stretch his limbs, the meridians of his entire body limbered up in response, making his entire person look increasingly more spirited and compelling. His qi was stable and his spirit calm. Conversely, his sparring partner, the senior, had his hands and feet tied from excessive caution, and ended up exhausting himself as a result.
“Truly, you can’t judge people by their appearance.” Ding Nan secretly shook her head from her position in the audience. “I didn’t expect that fellow to be an actual expert with such deeply hidden skills!”
Zhou Qin finished watching the performance. Suppressing the excitement and curiosity boiling deep in her heart, she spoke in an indifferent tone, “Let’s leave.”
Ding Nan said, “Ay, there’s still more to come!”
When she finished speaking, a female host stepped forward holding a microphone. As she clapped, she said to Li Yundong with a smile, “That was great. Really great. You are surely a martial artist, right?”
Li Yundong shook his head, “I’m not.”
The female host shot him a rather surprised glance. She concluded he was being modest, so she simply smiled and looked toward the program schedule. Suddenly an odd expression appeared on her face. “Next, classmate Li Yundong will present to us a very special, very traditional program.”
Li Yundong gave a start. He turned to look at Feng Nuo and said, “How come there’s more?”
Feng Nuo was feeling slightly guilty on the inside. However, the moment she thought of how she lost face in front of Li Yundong, she bit down and forced herself to say, “Of course, if it were only the bit before, who would want to watch?”
Li Yundong thought about it and decided to himself, ‘That’s right. When he watched shows on TV, were there any performances that lacked chopping through tiles or kicking through wood planks?”
At this time, Li Yundong only felt an inexhaustible energy flowing throughout his entire body. He also wanted to see if he could chop through tiles or rather how many tiles he could chop though. So he very bluntly said, “Fine, what will come will come. Who’s afraid of whom!”
The female host’s expression became more interesting. She looked at Li Yundong with both admiration and amusement. “Alright. In that case, allow us to welcome this traditional program brought to us by classmate Li Yundong: chest plank boulder break!”
The moment she finished saying those words, Su Chan who was drink milk tea at the time went ‘pfft’ and choked. Some milk tea even sprayed out of her nose.
Li Yundong was pressing down on his foot to perform a thigh stretch. When he heard those words, he toppled over, his butt landing on the ground. An embarrassed and frustrated expression appeared on his face.*2 He shouted out, “What? Can you repeat that?”
All the students and teacher on and off the stage were all dumbstruck. A moment later, the entire auditorium resonated with laughter.
Zhuang Hui who was secretly dispirited at the time heard and could not help but burst out into laughter, turning sorrow into joy. Zhou Qin, who had turned turn in preparation to leave, paused in her stride. The corners of her mouth twitched. She hid her mouth with her hand as if trying to suppress her laughter, causing her back to shake and convulse.
Li Yundong raised his head to look at the host, “Did you read that wrong?”
The host blinked her eyes and replied with an innocent expression on her face, “I didn’t. If you don’t believe me, you can look for yourself!”
Li Yundong accepted the program schedule and took a look. As expected, the final program turned out to be his special program, chest plank boulder break!
“This must be a mistake!” Li Yundong did not know whether to laugh or cry. He turned his head and glanced toward Feng Nuo, only to see her and Cheng Cheng, the two of them, hugging their sides and laughing their head off.
Li Yundong knew what was going on. ‘God dang! This girl actually got me! Very well. You’ll get yours!”
Li Yundong grabbed the program schedule and made his way to Feng Nuo. He shook the schedule wildly and shouted, “What the heck is this supposed to be?”
Feng Nuo suppressed her laughter. Straightening her stance she said, “What do you mean? Isn’t this something you asked for?”
Li Yundong said flabbergasted, “Something I asked for?”
Feng Nuo said, “I asked you what you would perform. You said chest plank boulder break!”
After she finished speaking, she turned to Cheng Cheng and asked, “Hey, that’s what he said, right?”
Cheng Cheng rubbed her belly, forcibly resisting the urge to laugh. She did not even dare to look at Li Yundong’s face. She was afraid if she saw Li Yundong’s exciting expression, she would injure her sides from laughing too hard. “Of course. Of course. I can act as the witness.”
Li Yundong was so mad, to the point it felt like his soul was leaving his body.*3
‘Aren’t they treating me like a fool to play around with?’
“Hey! Do you think I’m a retard?” Li Yundong angrily said, “What year do you think it is? Are there still people who perform chest plank boulder break these days?”
After saying those words, everyone on and off the stage, all the members of the bystander sect once again starting laughing uproariously.*4
Feng Nuo said in a dead serious manner, “Do not forget our agreement! I helped you settle your issue. Now you must help me settle mine.”
Li Yundong was hopping mad, “Even so, you can’t mess with me like this!”
Feng Nuo spoke with an expression full of awe-inspiring righteousness, “Who is messing with you? Don’t you know chest plank boulder break is our nation’s—our people’s—special traditional performance and cultural heritage? For our exchange meeting with Bincifaneya University, in my opinion, this kind of interesting and cultural performance passed down from our ancestors is the best possible choice!”
The corners of Li Yundong’s eyes twitched. His heart was full of grievance. He turned to glance at Su Chan, hoping to find backup, only to see the girl had already laughed herself into a crouch. She repeatedly rubbed at her cheeks, which were rather sore from excessive laughter.
‘That girl, has she no conscience?’ Li Yundong cursed to himself.
“Fine. What will come will come!” said Li Yundong who had firmed his resolve. He had an air of someone unafraid of the mortal winds or tests of rain and cold. However, his next words quickly exposed his unease, “But I never agreed to perform with a big rock on my chest!”
Feng Nuo saw that Li Yundong wanted to shamelessly escape, so she bluntly said, “Okay. In any case, I’m just swinging the hammer. Whether you perform with a rock slab on your chest or perform with just the hammer, you can take your pick!”
The students in the audience, who wished the world to be more interesting and more chaotic, nearly laughed themselves to death. Li Yundong only felt so depressed that he wanted to vomit blood. He was starting to regret treating this senior rudely back then in the classroom. ‘Damn it, who said only women and petty folk were difficult to keep? Was it comrade Confucius? Great Confucius, this one worships you! Your words are wise, too freaking wise!’
Women must not be offended, especially beautiful women!
Li Yundong learned a very profound lesson from this event. He decided to surrender. “Okay. You win! I will perform with a rock slab on my chest!”
Feng Nuo had a prideful look on her face. “That’s for the best!”
Li Yundong steeled his heart. He shouted, “Bring out the metal hammer! I don’t believe you really prepared a metal hammer!”
Feng Nuo laughed once and said to Cheng Cheng, “Go bring out that fellow!”
Cheng Cheng had one hand on her belly and her other hand rubbed at her cheek. She lightly jogged to the backstage. Then using both hands, she dragged a large metal hammer and walked over with a series of banging sounds.
Everyone saw Cheng Cheng return with a giant metal hammer and they immediately collapsed in laughter.
In the audience, Zhou Qin who had up until now resisted the urge to laugh was nearing her limit. From the corner of her tightly pursed lips, a ‘pfft’ sound occasionally slipped through. At her side, Ding Nan had long since laughed herself silly. Sometimes, she would pound on her seat. Other times, she would use her fingers to whistle. She looked super high.
Li Yundong stared dumbstruck at the metal hammer Cheng Cheng dragged out. He shouted out in alarm, “Damn. Aren’t you too harsh? Which construction site did you steal that hammer from? How is it so big?”
On the stage, Feng Nuo laughed herself into a crouch. “Nonsense, I especially went to a hardware store to buy this.”
Li Yundong raised his thumb. “Good! Very good! Super duper good! Then where’s the rock? I don’t believe you can buy that too!”
Feng Nuo forcibly repressed her laughter and snapped her finger at Cheng Cheng. “Why would I need to buy that? There’s rocks everywhere. You can casually find one!”
Li Yundong listened skeptically. He thought, ‘Where would you find such large rock slabs that you can casually take? But this girl has shown that she had definitely came prepared. Just in case she really drags out a large rock slab, can I endure it?’
Having thought that, Li Yundong could not help but smile apologetically at Feng Nuo. “I say, senior sis. If something can’t be found when looking up, it can be found by looking down.*5 There’s no need to be ruthless, right? If this rock slab is too big and too heavy, I won’t be able to lift it!”
Feng Nuo put on a benevolent expression as if bringing salvation to the world through great compassion and great sorrow. “Fear not. I especially helped you prepare a small one!”
Having said such, Cheng Cheng ran out from the backstage. Everyone’s gaze gathered on her hand, only to see discover her hands were empty, she was not carrying anything at all. Just when everyone was baffled and puzzled, they saw Cheng Cheng ran to Li Yundong’s side. Forcibly repressing her laughter, she stuffed something into Li Yundong’s hand and said, “There you go. The rock is here!”
Li Yundong looked at the rock he just got and immediately wanted to vomit three liters of blood. He raised the rock in his hand and said loudly, “Dear senior sister, if you want me to perform chest plank boulder break, I’m fine with that. For better or worse, you should get ahold of a proper rock slab! Okay, if you really can’t get a proper rock slab, that’s fine too, but for better or worse, you can still scrounge up something more appropriate, even a stone slab from the sewer will do! Okay, if you can’t even get that, I can still endure. So long as you get some bricks, that’s fine too. And now, you didn’t even manage to get some bricks, you got me a single river stone. What’s your intention here?”
After those words were said, the entire auditorium, regardless of whether they were a student or teacher, laughed so hard that they nearly went to the afterlife. Zhou Qin, who had managed to suppress her laughter up to this point, finally could not resist anymore. She burst into laughter, her figure swaying delightfully.
*3 一佛升天，二佛出窍– lit. one Buddha ascending and two Buddhas departing: So all three of these Buddhas die. These Buddhas are a reference to soul. Humans have 7 parts to their soul… 3 hun and 4 po. The 3 Buddha refer to the 3 hun. So angry his 3 hun fled his body. It’s an odd reference. There is a similar expression that is one Buddha dying, two Buddha born… it mean the person is so bad, they die and are born again.
*4 swaying back and forth is the chinese expression. I’m half tempted to put laughing their asses off.
*5 basically even if people aren’t little when you’re arrogant, they are willing if you bow down.