Potatoes are the only thing that’s needed in this world! Chapter 26

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Chapter 26

“Tch… only this amount?”

“Yes… this is the last of my savings…” I knelt at the feet of the corn cob, and dared not raise my trembling head to look at the handsome face of the demonized Dairo.

“Tch… Poor bastard…” After corn cob Dairo expectorated a mouthful of spit, he counted the coins that was taken away from me once again with a face of disdain for my existence at the same time.

You were… You were clearly a person that is gentle and kind before… Why is it that your alternate personality terrifies people so much!

A while ago, I thought you were a saint chosen by god, a saint that will bless this beautiful world. 

But now, that image has magnificently collapsed. 

Although it can be said that it was me that broke your stuff… but there’s no reason for you to be furious until such an extent right? Besides… I did not break the machine on purpose!

However, the current situation with Dairo has enlightened me on a principle.

[When faced with violence, any attempt to reason is just courting death.]

Villains die because they spent too much time speaking, protagonist die because they doesn’t back away from fights.

Hence, for the sake of my life, I surrendered.

No, no, no… I did not actually surrender, this is what I’d call following one’s heart. 

I comprehended “IT”,  tolerated “IT” mistakes, put myself in “IT” shoes and think about this issue from “ITS” point of view, then I chose the road of apologizing in the end. 

That is because, no matter what, I am still a person with a sacred responsibility. As a apostle of the Potato Goddess, isn’t it my job to lend a listening ear to others’ confessions? 

So, after thinking it through from “ITS” point of view, I chose to offer “IT” redemption, I only gave “IT” money because I was pitying “IT”.

Yes, that was the case.

“I ask of you to spare me my life… There are still 541 wives and a bunch of unborn children waiting for my return back at home…” I slammed my head on the ground, and accepted the ravages of “ITS” leather boot.

I am just following my heart, that’s all. This is not a surrender.

“Hum…” Dairo scoffed. The bottom of the leather cowboy boot ground against my head. As if it was from a devil’s steps, my head was on the verge of catching fire.

Damn it… You are definitely sent by the corn cult to assassinate me! A mere corn dares to be arrogant on the turf of the Potato Goddess?! Wait until the channeling of my ULT is finished, you will see how I turn the situation around after that!    

There’s still about 60 millions more seconds, don’t try to escape kiddo.

“Alright~ Alright~ Calm down for a while~” Right at this time, the one that stepped forward to persuade his teammate was hermit crab who has no sense of presence ever.

However, unfortunately, he has managed to worsen the situation once more.

“Huh? You still dare to interrupt, you idiotic leader?”

At least for now, Dairo lifted his foot away from my head and turned all his malice towards Lambert: “You still owe me 127 gold coins, the cost of two meals, seven apples, eight mugs that you broke, two cloaks that were rendered useless after they got cut by your armor, a flintlock that you trampled on, 15 bullets that you lost, three concussion grenades that you wasted, and…”

“Argh!”

Under the endless barrages of crimes being listed by Dairo, Lambert’s sense of presence became weaker and weaker, and soon, he lost the argument. Like a small child that had committed something awful, he crouched down with his head buried in his arms.

It’s remarkable that you can remember all these… Dairo…

I see now, is this the reason why you treated everyone with kindness and care while you hated Lambert solely?

And here I thought you were the most normal person in this team of bizarre zoo animals. I didn’t expect it, but this title will belong to the super adorable Kaiser now. 

Split personality is so scary…

Kasier, I beg of you, do not learn from Dairo, ok? Please always keep your character of being slightly less adorable than potatoes.   

Although your name sounds domineering, but that is just a name with no other special meaning right? Please don’t tell me that at a crucial moment, you will become that kind of character where you will rip off your clothes with bare hands, and your body will grow 5 to 6 times more with robust muscles all over your body, and then you will say with a gay tone ♂: “Huh!? How you like that huh!” (TL’s note: Search Billy Herington’s meme)

“Forget it… I’ll let you both off the hook this time, however, I will remember this incident for your entire lives. Don’t be delusional that I will forget this great vendetta of life and death.” Dairo snorted. Staring at Lambert at me like we were trash, Dario finally kept away his weapons.

Hey! You can despise me, you can curse me!

But, if you’re going to compare me with Lambert, then I will be displeased about it! How can a highly intelligent human be compared with beasts of low intelligence? Please take back the words you just said right away! Or…… Or I’ll be crying and cursing you at the same time while I’m sleeping at night!

Furthermore, what do you mean by vendetta of life and death? Where is it?! Where do the part of the life and death come from?!

As soon as Dairo finished his sentence, “ITS” face returned back to the original state of honesty and gentleness as it abandoned the look of a yakuza boss just now. With a smile that seemed to radiate light, Dairo turned to the other villagers and said. “Well then, it is almost time to proceed on to the next stage of test~”

Split personality is so scary…

“The 3rd stage of the examination will be a test on [actual combat]. It is also divided into two parts, which are [defense] and [attack].

Dairo walked back to the destroyed measurement device, picked up Kaiser who was lying flat on the ground with fear, and wiped away the dust off her face.

“Wuwu… Why did it explode all of a sudden?” There was a trace of tears in the corners of Caesar’s eyes who has slow response, her delicate sound with a nasal tone kept stimulating our nerves as well.

So adorableeee! This is literally asking people to commit crime!

Despite that, I suppressed my itching hands that were wriggling to make trouble. I was on the verge of going up to her, and embrace her.

There were approximately 20 more people that was like me. All of them will be criminals in the future.

“Now, let me explain how the [defense test] will be accessed.” After supporting Kaiser to the edge of the podium for her to sit down, Dairo pulled out the flintlock again and said to us: “The method is simple…”

Enough. I no longer believe the words “very simple” if they came from you guys, the 2 words can basically be painted as equal to “I will have fun making you guys suffer”. 

“… In actual combat, reaction speed is the key to defending. If you can react quickly, not only will you be able to resist the enemy’s attack, you can also prepare yourself to counterattack.” As he continue to speak, Dairo took out a small box from a pocket near his/her waist, and took out something like a bullet.

Your pocket… Is it the four-dimensional pocket of Doraemon?

Wait… What is a Doraemon? Why would I say something like this?

“The method to measure reaction speed, will depend on whether you all can dodge my shots. This is a specially-made rubber bullet, you will not suffer any damage even when shot at a close distance, so please rest assured.” With a confident expression, Dairo glared at me as he smiled.

Ahaha~ Sure enough, it was as I expected~

He still remembers! As expected, he hasn’t forgotten!

It’s over… He’s going to get even with me using his position as a examiner. 

He will probably change to live ammunition when it’s my turn, and after killing me and Lambert, he will say something like: “Gee~ I got it wrong accidentally~ eh hey☆~” as a reason to evade responsibility.

I’m finished.

It’s high noon!

 


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