Potatoes are the only thing that’s needed in this world! Chapter 13

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Chapter 13

On the morning of the second day when I opened my eyes, the sun could be seen through the window, that it had already risen high up in the sky. Judging from the angle that the sunlight shone into my bedroom, it can be estimated that it is around noon.

Yes! It has been so long since I’ve slept so well~

As expected, by restoring myself to “factory setting” before sleeping, the help it has towards having a good sleep is enormous.  After crouching for an hour in that narrow square to allow my inner self to have a peace of mind like clear water, and going to bed afterward, makes so much sense.

Did I just found a solution for the entire world in overcoming the persistent ailment called insomnia?

I’m in trouble now. Did I just become the person who had the most contribution to the world? Not only did I cultivate potatoes that fed tens of thousands of people, I even solved the biggest problem that had plagued humanity since their existence.

Hu… The day when I would be extolled to the skies by the masses is just right around the corner.

But I’ll still prefer the days of being alone nevertheless. Just like the current situation I’m living in.

Waking up naturally from sleep, working on the farm for a short while, clearing away any malign bugs that attempt to hurt my potatoes; lying on top of the potato pile, feeling the breeze in the air, eating potato whenever I’m hungry, and drinking some water whenever I’m thirsty. Simply perfect.

That’s right. Even if I live alone, I’m not lonely.

Because I have potatoes!

I’ll never be alone, as long as they’re with me!

I lifted the quilt up, ready to get out of bed. However, I discovered a black and white object curled up on my bed.

It was a slim girl, her brown skin was covered with black leather clothing, hidden underneath the hoodie was a ball of white hair with contentment written all over the face.

It was Rei…

I’m really not alone, am I!

Wait! That’s not the point here.

I jumped off the bed in a frantic manner and distanced myself away from Rei who was still sleeping soundly. Leaning against the wall, I set about recalling the things that happened last night.

This is horrible… This is too horrible…

Last night, I… Did I possibly have a sexual relationship with life forms other than potatoes? Please tell me! God of potatoes! The me that was still extremely devout up until now, whether did I ever set foot onto the path of no return!

However, no matter how much I try to recall, I can’t remember any memories regarding Rei last night.

Therefore, I was certain that I must have done nothing last night.

I touched myself all over to check if there’s something missing or something extra on my body, and thus, I found out…

Where has the potato which I used as a pillow gone to!

Red alert! Red alert!

There’s a VIP missing! Requesting headquarters to send reinforcements! God of potatoes, please assist me!

I glanced around my bed hastily but did not find the familiar and cute sphere shaped object.

Ronnie…Where did you go to?

Don’t abandon me and the other five hundred and forty-three wives…

In the end, I found the terrorist who had taken Ronnie hostage.

Sure enough…It was the work of Rei!

There, at the front of her breasts, beneath her tight leather clothing, a round object devoid of any aesthetic qualities bulged out from what was originally a wide expanse of flat land where horse carriages could smoothly travel on.

Maintaining her posture, Rei snore with a comfortable look on her face while having a sweet dream. The potato in front of her breasts rises and falls based on her breathing.

Shit. Not only did this woman want to rob me of my innocence, she’s planning to rob away my wife’s innocence too! This is too much! Are you going to open a harem? All those who open a harem should go to hell!

Outraged, I was about to rush to the rescue of the poor potato and save her from her suffering. However, in the end, I found myself unable to lay my hands on a defenseless girl.

Oi Oi… Farmu… Although I know that you have no interest in life forms other than potatoes, but the things that you are about to do now is practically a crime…

In order to rescue my potato from “that place”, it is unavoidable for me to lift up the layer of thin clothing on her, and reach inside with my hand.  And in the process, I may come into contact with things that I shouldn’t have touched. And at that point in time, even if the net of justice has large meshes, it will never let any crime go through. (TL’s note: Justice has long arms)

In the worst case scenario, I’ll be cast aside by the God of potatoes…

My train of thought is getting a little dangerous…

However… Do I need to consider the consequences, when I see a potato in need of my help? Such a thing like helping a potato… no reason should ever be needed, and there is no need to care about individual gains or losses!

Damn it! I’m a real bastard!

I gave a harsh slap to myself. After coming to my senses, I bid farewell to the hesitation inside me, made up my mind, and reached out my hand.

“Hu… Heh…” Lying on the bed drooling, Rei let out a soft moan with her face full of happiness, seemingly having a sweet dream.

I can only imagine how lewd her dream must be.

No, sorry. I’m afraid my imagination is still too naive, the things inside her mind should be hundreds times more obscene than what I can imagine.

Just nice, I’ll save the potato while she’s dreaming.

Thus, my sinful palm reached out ahead little by little and lifted a corner of her clothes with trembling fingers.

“Haa Haa… Di Yana… Look, I have breasts too~ fu fu fu…” Rei said with a blissful smile and turned her body in the bed.

This sentence… came like a bolt from the blue struck me in the brain.

I left the bedroom with a black face, closed the door, and leaned on the room’s door.

Huh? Why did I cry?

What a tragedy… What a poor girl she is!

Has she, with the hope of possessing… the “ sphere”, turned towards potatoes as her last remaining hope now?

For now, I’ll let her off this time as fellow “spheres lovers”. Even if it’s only a dream, it’ll be nice to let her have a dream about having large breasts for once.

Even when… there’s only a singular breast in her fantasy.

I covered my face and left my house sighing.

Let’s be reasonable here. Rei, what are you doing coming to my place? You’ve been clinging on to me since yesterday, what are you trying to achieve here?

Have you fallen in love with me? You are in love with me like Wu De and Di Yana, aren’t you?

Sorry, I’ll pass cause you’re not a potato.

Since I’m on this topic, Di Yana seems to have betrayed my feelings…

Arriving at the front yard, I set foot into the center of the potato field with a solemn expression. Kneeling down on the ground which was regarded as the most sacred place, I put my palms together, and placed them before my lips.

God of potatoes… I really don’t know anything, I did not do anything too.

Please forgive me of my sins…

“What are you doing…” Immediately, a cold voice impacted my eardrums directly like it was preplanned.

I raised my head with eyes similar to a dead fish, and a figure entered my rotting line of sight. It was the hot body of the rare maiden, Di Yana. Perhaps the only drawback about this is the matter of her not being a potato.

Di Yana… You cheater, why do you always appear in moments like this? Isn’t your timing a little too perfect? Do you have a diary that will write about everything that will happen in the future? (TL’s Note: Reference to Mirai Nikki)

“An hour has passed, and the examination will begin soon… Rei said that she coming here to fetch you, but up until now, she still hasn’t returned. Thus, I came here to take a look.” Di Yana pouted her lips, looked down at me who was kneeling down on the potato field, with her arms crossed. Then, she surveyed the surrounding and asked. “Is she not here? She was saying that she’s sleepy, and would sleep for a while when she returns.”

This is not good…

If she was to saw Rei sleeping on my bed, with a potato stuffed inside her clothes… I’m afraid that my notorious reputation will never be erased, and my existence will be erased from this world permanently.

I can already foresee headline of tomorrow newspapers.

<<Shocking news! Righteous beauty eradicates evil! Potato Demon stuffed potatoes into a young girl’s chest, and ravaged her in bed!>>

No! This cannot be allowed to happen! I will stop this tragic situation from happening no matter what.

I broke out in cold sweat, swallowed with a trembling throat and wobbly said. “She’s not here…”

“Forget it. I’ll go find myself.” Without listening to my words, and ignoring me, Di Yana went straight towards my house.

“No! Wait… Wait! Don’t go! I wailed with grief behind her. However, my feeble words were unable to stop her firm footsteps.

Everything is finished.

My parents in heaven, I’m afraid that your unfilial son will be meeting the two of you soon.

But at this critical moment, my survival instinct as an organism erupted instantly.

I grabbed a few potatoes, carried them in my arms, and dashed towards the horizon.

“Forla…” Nevertheless, the metal claw demon had already found out the wrongful scene and came out from my house.

With the corner of my eyes, I glanced at the woman who had dropped the temperature of a scorching midday to the freezing point, I realized that trying to reason with this demon who had become the Incarnation of Asura would have no effect whatsoever.

But at the very least, I tried to resist.

In a flash, the distance between us became a single digit, with the unit of measurement being centimeter.

She flew up, kicked me right on the kneecap, and I fell to the ground as she made me unable to support my center of gravity.  Then, without flinching an eyebrow, she stamped on my knee with her foot. The sound of bones shattering could practically be heard.  

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! My kneecap is shattering! It’s shattering! I’m not an adventurer before so stop your foot ahh ahh! (TL’s Note: Reference to Skyrim)

However, Di Yana seems to be much angrier this time. Until I beg for mercy with foam in my mouth, did she move her feet tentatively. Then, it took me half an hour to kneel in front of her and explained what had actually happened.

Just as I expected, there is no need for women to exist in this world… just potatoes will be enough.


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