Chapter 59 — Lose Control
It was already past eight o’clock in the evening when they left the Mu family’s house. The Mu parents sent the young couple away, standing at the door, sighing with a gratified feeling.
“Who says that people with autism can’t speak? Just look at our family’s Xiao Chuan, he can speak very well ah, asking us not to be sick again, it even sounds more sincere than ‘wishing you good health’.” When Shen Qingyi listened to Bai Chuan at that time, she just felt warm all over.
“Isn’t it?” Mu Ruozhou was also relieved when he recalled Bai Chuan’s solemn appearance just now. Although their son-in-law was a bit inarticulate, but he sincerely held them in his honest heart.
On the way back, Mu Xiaoya’s mood was still not good, she was both self blaming and sad at the same time. Originally, she was ready to pass away four years later, but because of her mother’s sudden old illness recurring, Mu Xiaoya finally saw a glimmer of hope. She believed that if she can seize the signs of this hereditary disease earlier, she may be able to make a break through to some extent. In fact, death wasn’t the most terrible thing, it was when you thought that you had been unexpectedly rescued from a desperate situation, but it was all futile in the end.
Also… when she accompanied her mother in the hospital for an examination in the afternoon, she hoped that they could find some symptoms of this disease from her mother, how could she even had this kind of idea? Mu Xiaoya can hardly forgive herself.
“Don’t worry anymore, I already asked father and mother, they promised to not get sick again.” In Bai Chuan’s eyes, Mu Xiaoya was always lingering with a bright and sunny aura, but every time she came back from the Mu family, that aura would be covered by another kind of haze. However, today, it was especially heavy.
“Promise?” Mu Xiaoya didn’t hear it clearly, “What did my parents promised to you?”
“They promised me…that they won’t get sick in the future.” Bai Chuan explained, “They won’t get sick, so you don’t need to be worried.”
Mu Xiaoya was stunned, the accelerator underneath her foot was lifted and the car’s speed suddenly slowed down, the shocked white car behind them pressed the horn angrily and made a penetrating voice.
“This matter about illness, a promise won’t have any use against it.” After the car resumed its stable speed, Mu Xiaoya answered Bai Chuan with a bitter smile.
“Useful.” Bai Chuan started to give an example, “Before, when grandma was sick, she was always hospitalized. Later, she promised me not to get sick again, then she never went to the hospital again. It wasn’t until grandma’s time had arrived that she returned to the hospital.”
Grandma Bai promised to Bai Chuan to not get sick again, then she never went to the hospital anymore?
How could Mu Xiaoya believe this kind of thing? She just guessed that Grandma Bai must had called the doctor home when Bai Chuan wasn’t there.
“Okay, I know, thank you.” Mu Xiaoya understood Bai Chuan’s kindness, but she couldn’t believe it as much as he did.
“You don’t believe.” Mu Xiaoya’s breath didn’t change at all, Bai Chuan knew that his comfort didn’t work out and Mu Xiaoya didn’t believe him.
Bai Chuan was frustrated, he felt extremely loss. He knew that he was different from others, and he also knew that there’s a gap between him and the real society. Professor Feng and his grandmother had told him not to worry about it, to just accept his true self and let himself integrate little by little, and not to be anxious and irritable. But sometimes, he still can’t control his anxiety, he didn’t want to only be someone who accepts help and comfort from others, he also wanted to become someone that can give those to other people.
However, his method always seemed to be wrong, as if it was useless. In the past, grandma used to sigh, and now, Mu Xiaoya was always down.
The two fell into silence as they returned quietly to their neighborhood. When they entered the house, they both saw the box of watch left behind by Bai Zheng at the door.
Mu Xiaoya picked it up, glanced at it, and gave a message to Bai Zheng that she had received it.
“For you, the watch has been fixed.” Mu Xiaoya passed the watch to Bai Chuan.
Bai Chuan looked at the box and asked, “It’s from brother, right?”
Mu Xiaoya was stunned, “How do you know?”
“Four years ago, he also gave me a watch that’s always two seconds late every hour.” Bai Chuan replied.
“Yes, brother hopes that you will bring this.” Mu Xiaoya looked at Bai Chuan’s clear heart, she also didn’t want to conceal this.
Bai Chuan took it, opened the box and put it on his hand before he suddenly ran to the attic alone.
Mu Xiaoya blanked for a while, when she was just about to see what’s going on, Bai Zheng replied on WeChat: ‘Has Bai Chuan put it on? Is the time on the watch still slow?’
Mu Xiaoya: ‘He put it on, Xiao Chuan hasn’t said anything, there should be no problem.”
Bai Zheng: ‘That’s good, I already set up everything on the company.’
Mu Xiaoya suddenly remembered the treatment plan that she made for Bai Chuan, but she hadn’t had the time to discuss it with Bai Chuan, so she promised: ‘Alright, I’ll tell him later.’
Mu Xiaoya turned her head to look at the direction of the attic and walked upstairs. She originally thought that Bai Chuan would be reading books at the study, but when she looked at the study room, the light wasn’t turned on. Mu Xiaoya hesitated, turned right and went to the outside terrace.
On the dim terrace chair, a black shadow was curling up, while the dial of the watch was emitting a shimmering light. Mu Xiaoya put her hand on the light switch, about to turning it on before Bai Chuan stopped her, “Don’t turn on the light.”
Mu Xiaoya withdrew her hand and was silent for a moment before walking towards Bai Chuan. She stood a step away in front of him, but she still couldn’t see clearly the expression on his face because of the darkness. Mu Xiaoya had seen many expressions on Bai Chuan; happy, shy, angry, anxious and even indifferent. However, these all are single emotions, it never was like this time, a complex emotion that was made up by many feelings.
“Not happy?” Mu Xiaoya asked.
“A little frustrated…?”
Bai Chuan pondered about this ‘frustration’, and hummed an ‘En’ after he understood it.
Mu Xiaoya sat cross-legged across from Bai Chuan, the concrete floor was exposed to the summer sun all day, even at this time, there was still a lot of residual warmth.
“I’m not happy either, I’m a little angry and somewhat frustrated ah.” This time, Mu Xiaoya wasn’t in a hurry to give solace to Bai Chuan, her mood at this time was also very bad, she also wanted someone to console her.
Bai Chuan didn’t say anything, making the silence in the air suffocating.
Does he not understand?
“Xiao Chuan, I’m a little tired.” The darkness made people fragile, making a chip on Mu Xiaoya’s strong heart in an instant, “Can you hug me?”
Bai Chuan, who didn’t know what to do, seemed to find a guiding light. He hurriedly got up from the hanging chair, squatted down beside Mu Xiaoya, and brought her tightly into his arms.
“Xiao Chuan, I’m a little scared.” Mu Xiaoya buried her head in Bai Chuan’s embrace, telling him the fear in her heart, “I thought that I wouldn’t be scared, but when I thought about it again, I was actually still scared.”
“Don’t be scared, don’t be scared.” Bai Chuan coaxed her like coaxing a child.
“I’m not strong at all, I’m actually like an ostrich, I bury my head desperately and wait for that day to come.”
“When I was in the hospital just now, I even hoped that there would be something wrong with my mother’s examination report so that I could… I… how could I do this ah?!”
Bai Chuan didn’t know how to comfort Mu Xiaoya who had suddenly lost her control, and even couldn’t understand the meaning in Mu Xiaoya’s words. He could only treat the current Mu Xiaoya as himself after his episode, holding her tightly without saying anything.
“I’m sorry, I was out of control.” After she had vented enough, Mu Xiaoya looked up embarrassedly, she didn’t expect that she would get out of control in front of Bai Chuan.
“It turns out… Xiaoya can also have an episode.” Bai Chuan’s voice was somewhat novel.
Episode? Mu Xiaoya froze, this summary was quite suitable, “That’s right ah, I can also have an episode and lose control of my feelings.”
“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”
“Really? Then, I really thank you.” Mu Xiaoya was amused by Bai Chuan’s ‘I don’t dislike’ tone, and her mood was instantly improved.
“Let’s get up, the floor is a bit hot.” Bai Chuan wasn’t just feeling hot, his knees were also hurting because of kneeling.
The two got up from the floor and sat inside the hanging chair that Bai Chuan sat in just now. This hanging chair was specially selected by Mu Xiaoya, it was a double hanging chair, so the both of them can sit down completely.
“You ah, why are you not happy, angry and frustrated?” Mu Xiaoya’s own emotion had recovered, and she didn’t forget about Bai Chuan’s.
“I’m okay now.”
“Okay? You’re okay after seeing me having an episode once?” This guy wouldn’t be gloating right?
“It’s not…” Bai Chuan shook his head, and then explained, “I don’t know how to comfort you, so my mood became bad. But now that you’re well, I’m also fine.”
“…” Mu Xiaoya leaned her head halfway, only seeing Bai Chuan’s hazy profile in the dim light.
She suddenly realized that this family wasn’t supported by herself alone, Bai Chuan was also growing up, and although he’s still clumsy, he’s working as best as he could. Mu Xiaoya didn’t want to cry anymore, but she can’t help her eyes from heating up again and again. She turned her head and let herself gazed into the distance, overlooking the night view of the city from the high attic. She thought that this was the kind of partner that would make you know that he’s supporting you wholeheartedly.
Bai Chuan quietly took Mu Xiaoya’s hand, he didn’t want to disturb her quietness, and only made sure that there were no more haze inside her.
The phone in Mu Xiaoya’s pocket suddenly rang, she took it out and saw that it was from her mother.
Mom: ‘Xiaoya, when you were cooking in the kitchen just now, Xiao Chuan made a request to me and your dad. He very solemnly asked us not to get sick again. We received his kind intention and made a promise. Although this is an impossible request and that no one couldn’t never get sick in their entire lifetime, but we will seriously take care of ourselves to not let down his feeling for us.’
Mom: ‘We didn’t intend to tell you about this matter originally, but we thought about this, and felt that Bai Chuan’s sudden request must have been because of you. So, daughter, your parents will take care of themselves, don’t worry.’
“Xiao Chuan, what you said was right.” Mu Xiaoya looked at the phone and foolishly grinned, “Promises are definitely useful.
“Then, can you promise me about one thing?”
“Okay.” Bai Chuan habitually agreed to Mu Xiaoya’s requirements.
“Tomorrow morning, take a taxi to go to work yourself.” Mu Xiaoya took the opportunity to say this.
Xiaoya, Xiaochuan… be strong… (ó﹏ò｡)
On a side note, I’m from a tropical country, and although it can get hot in the day, the night is still windy and cool. It’s different in China, the summer is humid and hot, and there’s basically no wind even at night, it was too suffocating for me… (≖͞_≖̥)