ISIWBYA Chapter 34

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Chapter 34 – You Don’t Have to Do Anything (座り込んでも良いのです)

 

When Yulan arrived in the classroom, he realized that something was wrong.

Even if Violette was looking forward to the outing so much yesterday, her smile today was not what he had imagined or waited for.

Violette was originally not very good at laughing, but when he was with her, she would relax her guard. This was not him being conceited, but a feeling developed over a long period of time.

When she smiled, she would lower the corner of her eyes a little bit, like the amazed smile of helplessness, and the self indulgent expression with her nose in the air of thinking for his sake. Everything was beautiful and lovable, much better than Violette hiding her heart in dignity.

The blind people that surrounded Violette would surely get deceived by her mask and assess her as wonderful. The fools who were deceived by the pretense were humorous, but also irritating. Yulan agreed that Violette was wonderful, but the splendor those men knew was less than ten percent of her merit.

Yulan wanted Violette to always laugh.

He wanted her to be happy.

And also, he wanted to make that happen with his own hands.

Even today, he invited her for that purpose.

Yulan didn’t want to return her to that house, but he couldn’t do anything about that right now. He was determined that he would keep the Vahan family away from her one day, but for now he had to endure.

Actually, he wanted to run away with her and do anything to crush the Vahan family, even if he had to use dirty means. He continued to pray that everything that was hurting Violette would disappear from this world.

But then, even if the thing that hurt her was gone, she definitely wouldn’t be happy. And he couldn’t make Violette happy.

Right now, Yulan could only give her a temporary peace of mind. He wanted Violette to forget that prison for a while, even if just a mere minutes. Also, Yulan had a secret intention to create fun memories together with her, who had never experienced a fun outing.

Violette, who was in the classroom when he rushed in, didn’t have the smile that he had imagined, nor the bitter smile that he had assumed.

The smile looked a little bit sad and painful, yet she still forcefully made it to him. It was easier to describe as “laughing” if compared to her usual mask, but there was no emotion in it. It was the mask that she used, the one admired by the noble ladies in the high society, in front of her father.

That was the regulation for Violette, which Yulan didn’t want to touch. There was no need for him to make her look back on the pain that she treated desperately by touching it carelessly.

So he laughed, and acted like his little brother as usual. The cute, gentle, and mild boy.

Yulan was happy with the warmth of her touch, and he thought that he should do his best to make her forget the wound, rather than closing it.

When Violette stopped walking, a bit of anxiety showed up. He wondered whether her mood had gotten sour, or her emotions had affected her physical condition.

Violette’s face when she looked up was upset, not unwell.

“Tell me. What can I do for Yulan…?”

Violette’s brilliant eyes were looking straight at Yulan. He was sure that she never imagined that the moment he was reflected within those eyes were his happiest thing in the world.

If he told her that his heart danced just by her calling his name, she would surely end up thinking it was a joke. It was because of Violette’s lack of confidence and the good will she expressed towards the shield of their childhood friendship up until now.

What Violette could do to Yulan.

What Yulan wanted from Violette.

Not only today, but Yulan wanted to go out with her to various places. They could do a little shopping in the town, or go far away and have fun. He wanted to decorate her whole body with his own selection. He wanted to show off this beautiful person to various people, and conversely wanted to confine her so that no one could see her.

Yulan wanted to walk together while holding hands, he wanted to circle his arms around her slender waist, and he wanted to hug her tightly until it was painful. He wanted to devote this everlasting love to the point that those white and cold cheeks would turn red. He wanted to make Violette’s entire whole his, from her head to her toes.

Yulan put his hands on Violette’s hand that was holding her bag. Contrary to the more reddish appearance because she was putting strength into her hold, her cooler fingertips seemed to represent her inner soul.

Was she nervous? Or was she worried about something?

The way no need for her to be anxious, he would get rid of anything if she had any complaints. Yulan wished that Violette was comfortable at any moment, with nothing to worry about.

Yulan couldn’t forgive anyone for harming Violette, and he wouldn’t forgive them either.

But he was glad that what moved Violette’s heart was himself. When he thought that Violette’s head was filled with him, his entire heart was filled with sweetness.

Yulan tightened his mouth that was about to grin, since he couldn’t afford to take off his cute little brother’s mask yet.

“Thank you, Vio-chan.”

For thinking that she wanted to recompense him, for Yulan, for Yulan’s feelings.

Even though that kindness was all for himself. It was not for Violette, but for himself that was thinking of Violette. It was all his own ego for wishing her to be happy.

That was why, there was only one thing that Yulan wished from Violette.

She didn’t have to do anything. She just needed to be there. Yulan wanted her to laugh if possible, but he wished that she could stay in peace, not getting hurt.

Because he would give and show her everything else.

“Stay with me.”

The air that leaked from her mouth, unable to form words, and the slightly opened lips looked soft. She was surprised… her expression showed that she didn’t expect what Yulan said, and her rounded eyes looked like a cat’s.

“Stay with me forever. Let me stay beside you. Please don’t think of going faraway.”

“Yulan…”

“Please don’t forget that I’m here beside you ”

“…!”

When did he realize that her distorted face was when she was enduring, holding it in even though she was about to cry?

Violette was too used to being alone, scared of having someone nearby, and when he took his eyes off her, she quickly turned her back and ran somewhere. Surely, Violette herself didn’t even realize it. He could even call it a trait that was imprinted on her from an early age.

She was lonely when she was alone. She was afraid of love, and wanted to be loved. She wanted to be alone. She wanted someone to stay by her side, but she believed that there was no reason for anyone to do so.

In Violette’s mind, all contradictions swirled. She was afraid, hoped, gave up, and polished her heart.

As long as she was in that house, Violette would keep giving up.

That’s why, if her heart grew thin over and over again, Yulan decided that he had to overwrite it every time it happened.

“Vio-chan is not alone.”

Yulan watched Violette biting her lips and covered her eyes with his palm.

He felt her eyelashes touching his skin, and for some reason, it was a bit warm.


 

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19 thoughts on “ISIWBYA Chapter 34

  1. >Yulan couldn’t forgive anyone for harming Violette, and he wouldn’t forgive them either.Yulan couldn’t forgive anyone for harming Violette, and he wouldn’t forget them either.< or something similar.

  2. oh my gosh, can’t hold back my tears.. this chapter is so sad from Vio’s pov. This is so relateable to real life. Sometimes we also need that person who can really hear us right.

  3. Vio’s inner thought always filled with depression..it’s so sad

    I wonder what happened in her previous life.. what did yulan and marin do when she was gone mad..?

    1. Not sure if your question is answered but i’ll just give it.

      Marin, as you can read in the previous chapters could only watch helplessly since she’s just a maid. Yulan was either
      1)did the same as marin, despite being a royal family himself. This one has the highest probability so far.
      2)did got himself involved, but Vio never saw him doing so
      But then again, yulan vaguely tells us that he is a re-doer like vio, which either one of the reasons above caused him to do more proactive approach.

  4. Heyo, time to cry QwQ
    Yulan is honestly one of the best characters I’ve read in a novel like this. His feelings are so genuine for he and its just so fucking wholesome that i wanna cry. I just, I would be devastated if the author took that shitty cliche turn and paired Vio-chan up with the prince. Like…..That would be the worst thing the author could do.
    Thank you for the update!!

  5. This…….has a lot of work needed. The grammar was off in some parts and I don’t know what to write to make it better.

    Well, I guess thanks for the chapter 😶

    1. There’s a weird sentence structure/order I see a lot in these translated novels so I assume its from the base language. I’m not sure if you can fix it without rearranging each paragraph, and that may change the impact of the story.

  6. “If he told him that his heart danced just by her calling his name” –> him to her

    “He wanted to devote this everlasting love to the point that those while and cold cheeks would turn red” –> while to white

    “Contrary to the more reddish appearance because she was putting strength kn her hold, her cooler fingertips see d to represent her inner soul.” –> Huh???

    “The way no need for her to be anxious, he would get rid of anything if she had any complaints.” –> The way to There was no need (??)

  7. Since you asked for editing recommendations in the last chapter, I’m doing a quick pass. Keep in mind that I am not aware of the author’s style of prose so I might be changing the tone here. For example, the text reads a little passively, which I think doesn’t flow very well, but that might be an accurate representation of what the author wrote. I also have not really edited for anyone before, so I might be bad at this.

    The fools who were deceived by the pretense was humorous, but also irritating. Yulan agreed with the part on how Violette was wonderful, but the splendor that those men knew was less than ten percent of her merit.

    The fools deceived by her pretense were laughable, yet also irritating. Yulan agreed that Violette was wonderful, but the splendor those men knew was less than a tenth of her true charm.

    Yulan didn’t want to return her to that house, but the current him couldn’t do anything himself right now. He was determined that he would keep the Vahan family away from her one day, but now he had to endure

    Actually, he wanted to run away with her and do anything to crush the Vahan family, even if he had to use dirty means. He continued to pray that everything that was hurting Violette would disappear from this world

    Yulan didn’t want her to return to that house, but there was nothing he could do about that right now. He was determined to one day keep the Vahan family away from her, but for now he had to endure. He actually wanted to do anything to crush the Vahan family and run away with her, even if he had to get his hands dirty. He continued praying that everything hurting Violette would disappear from this world.

    “But then, even if the thing that hurt her was gone, she definitely wouldn’t be happy. And he couldn’t make Violette happy. Right now, Yulan could only give her a temporary peace of mind. He wanted Violette to forget that prison for a while, even if just a mere minutes. Also, Yulan had a secret intention to plant those fun memories together with her, who never experienced a fun outing.

    But even if everything hurting here were to disappear, she still wouldn’t be happy. He couldn’t make her happy. Right now all he could do was give her temporary peace of mind. He wanted her to forget that prison for a while. Even just for a few minutes. Yulan’s secret goal was to foster fun memories together with Violette, who never enjoyed a fun day out.

    Violette who was in the classroom when he rushed in didn’t have the smile that he had imagined, nor the bitter smile that he had assumed.

    The smile looked a little bit sad and painful, yet she still forcefully made it to him. It was much more easier to describe as “laughing” if compared to her usual mask, but there was no emotion in it. It was the mask that she pasted, the one admired by the noble ladies in the high society, in front of her father.

    When he entered the classroom, Violette didn’t have the smile that he had hoped for, nor the bitter smile he had expected. Instead, it looked sad and pained, forcefully made to him. It looked “happier” than her usual mask, but contained no real emotion. It was the mask that she wore for the nobles ladies in high society and in front of her father.

    “That was the regulation for Violette, which Yulan didn’t want to touch. There was no need for him to make her look back on the pain that she treated desperately by touching it carelessly.

    So he laughed, and acted like his little brother as usual. The cute, gentle, and mild boy.

    Yulan was happy with the warmth of her touch, and he thought that he should do his best to make her forget the wound, rather than closing it.”

    “This was how Violette kept control of herself, a wound Yulan didn’t want to touch carelessly. So he laughed and acted as her cute little brother. He was happy for the warmth of her touch and did what he could to at least distract her from the wound if he couldn’t close it.”

    ^ You would know better than me if it’s that he isn’t trying to close the wound or thinks he can’t do it. The nuance there has pretty big implications for his character so if you get the wrong interpretation it changes how he looks. Depending on the word choice it could be either “Yulan isn’t trying to offer long term help” or “Yulan thinks/knows he can’t cure her trauma just like that, only help her get by.” To me it reads more like the former but I suspect the latter is what is intended, which is how I edited it

    When Violette stopped walking, a bit of anxiety showed up. He wondered whether her mood had gotten sour, or her emotions had affected her physical condition.

    Violette’s face when she looked up was upset, not unwell.

    When she stopped walking, he grew slightly anxious. Had her mood soured? Were her emotions making her feel unwell? But her expression when she looked up was upset, not sick.

    Violette’s brilliant eyes were looking straight at Yulan. He was sure that she never imagined that the moment he was reflected within those eyes were his happiest thing in the world.

    If he told him that his heart danced just by her calling his name, she would surely end up thinking it was a joke. It was because Violette’s lack of confidence and the good will she expressed towards the shield of their childhood friendship up until now.

    Violette’s brilliant eyes looked straight at Yulan. He was sure she had no idea that his reflection in her eyes was the most beautiful in the world to him. If he told her his heart danced when she called his name, she would take it as a joke. She lacked the confidence to believe it and depended on their childhood “friendship” as always.

    What Violette could do to Yulan.

    What Yulan wanted from Violette.

    What Violette could do for Yulan and what Yulan wanted from Violette.

    Not only today, but Yulan wanted to go out with her to various places. They could do a little shopping in the town, or go far away and have fun. He wanted to decorate her whole body with his own selection. He wanted to show off this beautiful person to various people, and conversely wanted to confine her so that no one could see her.

    Yulan wanted to walk together while holding hands, he wanted to circle his arms around her slender waist, and he wanted to hug her tightly until it was painful. He wanted to devote this everlasting love to the point that those while and cold cheeks would turn red. He wanted to make Violette’s entire whole his, from her head to her toes.

    He didn’t want this to be just for today. He wanted to go many places with her. They could shop in town, or go out somewhere far away to have fun. He wanted to mold her to his tastes and show her beauty off to everyone, yet also wanted to keep her confined so no one else could see her. He wanted to walk around holding hands, he wanted to put his around around her slender waist and hug her until it hurt. He wanted to dedicate his eternal love to her until those cold white cheeks were warm and red. He wanted to make Violette entirely his, head to toe.

    ^ I’m not sure about that decorating line. I could read what you’ve written as ‘he wants to dress her up’ or ‘he wants to mold her to his tastes.’ Given that this is supposed to be a kind of passionate but also selfish secret desire I interpreted it as the slightly creepy ‘change her to his tastes.’

    Yulan put his hands on Violette’s hand that was holding her bag. Contrary to the more reddish appearance because she was putting strength kn her hold, her cooler fingertips see d to represent her inner soul.

    Was she nervous? Or was she worried about something?

    The way no need for her to be anxious, he would get rid of anything if she had any complaints. Yulan wished that Violette was comfortable at any moment, not having anything to worry about.

    Yulan couldn’t forgive anyone for harming Violette, and he wouldn’t forgive them either.

    But he was glad that what moved Violette’s heart was himself. When he thought that Violette’s head was filled with him, his entire heart was filled with sweetness.

    Yulan placed his hands on the hand she used to hold her bag. Compared to the fingertips reddened by the strength used to hold it, her cold fingertips seemed to represent her true soul. Was she nervous? Worried about something? There was no need for her to be anxious. He would get rid of anything that caused her complaints. He wished for Violette to be comfortable at every moment with nothing to worry about. He couldn’t forgive anyone that would harm her. He wouldn’t forgive anyone that would harm her. But he was glad when he could move her heart himself. His heart filled with happiness when her mind was turned fully to him.

    Yulan tightened his mouth that was about to grin, since he couldn’t afford to take off his cute little brother’s mask yet.

    “Thank you, Vio-chan.”

    For thinking that she wanted to recompense him, for Yulan, for Yulan’s feelings.

    Even though that kindness was all for himself. It was not for Violette, but for himself that was thinking of Violette. It was all his own ego for wishing her to be happy.

    That was why, there was only one thing that Yulan wished from Violette.

    She didn’t have to do anything. She just needed to be there. Yulan wanted her to laugh if possible, but he wished that she could stay in peace, not getting hurt.

    Because he would give and show her everything else.

    He tightened his mouth to hide his grin. He couldn’t take off his cute little brother’s mask.

    “Thank you, Vio-chan.”

    For thinking of paying him back. For thinking of his feelings. Even though that kindness was only to satisfy himself. He only wished for her happiness because he wanted to see it, not for a reward. That was why he only wished for one thing from Violette. She didn’t have to do anything, she just needed to be there. If possible, he wanted her to laugh, but at the very least he wanted her to stay at peace. He would give and show her everything else.

    I… have a little difficulty understanding expressing what I think he’s feeling because I don’t 100% get the way Japanese interprets being “selfish” but I don’t want to get into that right now. I’m reading this as him saying he doesn’t need a reward because he wants to see her happy because it makes him happy and therefore he’s really doing all this for himself, but in a good way. That’s not really a sentiment you express in our culture.

    The air that leaked from her mouth, unable to form words, and the slightly opened lips looked soft. She was surprised… her expression showed that she didn’t expect what Yulan said, and her rounded eyes looked like cat’s.

    “Stay with me forever. Let me stay beside you. Please don’t think of going faraway.”

    “Yulan…”

    “Please don’t forget that I’m here beside you ”

    “…!”

    The air leaked from her mouth, unable to form words, and her slightly opened lips looked soft. She hadn’t expected Yulan’s words, and her rounded eyes looked like a cat’s.

    “Stay with me forever. Let me stay beside you. Please don’t think of going faraway.”

    “Yulan…”

    “Please don’t forget that I’m here with you ”

    “…!”

    When did he realized that her distorted face was when she was enduring herself from crying when she was about to cry?

    Violette was too used to being alone, scared of having someone nearby, and when he took of his eyes off her, she quickly turned her back and ran somewhere. Surely, Violette herself didn’t even realize it. He could even call it as her trait that was imprinted on her from an early age.

    She was lonely when she was alone. She was afraid of love, and wanted to be loved. She wanted to be alone. She wanted someone to stay by her side, but she believed that there was no reason for anyone to do so.

    When did he learn to recognize the distorted face she made when she was trying to hold back her tears and failing? She was too scared of being alone and scared of having someone close. When he took his eyes off her, she’d quickly turn her back and run away. She didn’t even realize when she did it. It was a habit formed early in life. She was lonely when she was alone. She was afraid of love, but wanted to be loved. She wanted to be alone and she wanted someone to stay by her side, but believed that no one would ever want to.

    In Violette’s mind, all contradictions swirled. She was afraid, hoped, gave up, and polished her heart.

    As long as she was in that house, Violette would keep giving up.

    That’s why, if her heart grew thin over and over again, Yulan decided that he had to overwrite it every time it happened.

    Everything was a contradiction in Violette’s mind. She hoped, feared, gave up and polished her heart. As long as she stayed in that house, she would keep giving up. That’s why every time her heart wore down, Yulan would mend it.

    “Vio-chan is not alone.”

    Yulan watched Violette biting her lips and covered her eyes with his palm.

    He felt her eyelashes touching his skin, and for some reason, it was a bit warm.

    “You are not alone.”

    He watched her bite her lips and covered her eyes with his palm. Her eyelashes touched his skin and, for some reason, they felt a little warm.

    Again, I don’t really edit much and I might have messed with the author’s tone. But that’s how I would edit this chapter.

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