Chapter 34 – You Don’t Have to Do Anything (座り込んでも良いのです)
When Yulan arrived in the classroom, he realized that something was wrong.
Even if Violette was looking forward to the outing so much yesterday, her smile today was not what he had imagined or waited for.
Violette was originally not very good at laughing, but when he was with her, she would relax her guard. This was not him being conceited, but a feeling developed over a long period of time.
When she smiled, she would lower the corner of her eyes a little bit, like the amazed smile of helplessness, and the self indulgent expression with her nose in the air of thinking for his sake. Everything was beautiful and lovable, much better than Violette hiding her heart in dignity.
The blind people that surrounded Violette would surely get deceived by her mask and assess her as wonderful. The fools who were deceived by the pretense were humorous, but also irritating. Yulan agreed that Violette was wonderful, but the splendor those men knew was less than ten percent of her merit.
Yulan wanted Violette to always laugh.
He wanted her to be happy.
And also, he wanted to make that happen with his own hands.
Even today, he invited her for that purpose.
Yulan didn’t want to return her to that house, but he couldn’t do anything about that right now. He was determined that he would keep the Vahan family away from her one day, but for now he had to endure.
Actually, he wanted to run away with her and do anything to crush the Vahan family, even if he had to use dirty means. He continued to pray that everything that was hurting Violette would disappear from this world.
But then, even if the thing that hurt her was gone, she definitely wouldn’t be happy. And he couldn’t make Violette happy.
Right now, Yulan could only give her a temporary peace of mind. He wanted Violette to forget that prison for a while, even if just a mere minutes. Also, Yulan had a secret intention to create fun memories together with her, who had never experienced a fun outing.
Violette, who was in the classroom when he rushed in, didn’t have the smile that he had imagined, nor the bitter smile that he had assumed.
The smile looked a little bit sad and painful, yet she still forcefully made it to him. It was easier to describe as “laughing” if compared to her usual mask, but there was no emotion in it. It was the mask that she used, the one admired by the noble ladies in the high society, in front of her father.
That was the regulation for Violette, which Yulan didn’t want to touch. There was no need for him to make her look back on the pain that she treated desperately by touching it carelessly.
So he laughed, and acted like his little brother as usual. The cute, gentle, and mild boy.
Yulan was happy with the warmth of her touch, and he thought that he should do his best to make her forget the wound, rather than closing it.
When Violette stopped walking, a bit of anxiety showed up. He wondered whether her mood had gotten sour, or her emotions had affected her physical condition.
Violette’s face when she looked up was upset, not unwell.
“Tell me. What can I do for Yulan…?”
Violette’s brilliant eyes were looking straight at Yulan. He was sure that she never imagined that the moment he was reflected within those eyes were his happiest thing in the world.
If he told her that his heart danced just by her calling his name, she would surely end up thinking it was a joke. It was because of Violette’s lack of confidence and the good will she expressed towards the shield of their childhood friendship up until now.
What Violette could do to Yulan.
What Yulan wanted from Violette.
Not only today, but Yulan wanted to go out with her to various places. They could do a little shopping in the town, or go far away and have fun. He wanted to decorate her whole body with his own selection. He wanted to show off this beautiful person to various people, and conversely wanted to confine her so that no one could see her.
Yulan wanted to walk together while holding hands, he wanted to circle his arms around her slender waist, and he wanted to hug her tightly until it was painful. He wanted to devote this everlasting love to the point that those white and cold cheeks would turn red. He wanted to make Violette’s entire whole his, from her head to her toes.
Yulan put his hands on Violette’s hand that was holding her bag. Contrary to the more reddish appearance because she was putting strength into her hold, her cooler fingertips seemed to represent her inner soul.
Was she nervous? Or was she worried about something?
The way no need for her to be anxious, he would get rid of anything if she had any complaints. Yulan wished that Violette was comfortable at any moment, with nothing to worry about.
Yulan couldn’t forgive anyone for harming Violette, and he wouldn’t forgive them either.
But he was glad that what moved Violette’s heart was himself. When he thought that Violette’s head was filled with him, his entire heart was filled with sweetness.
Yulan tightened his mouth that was about to grin, since he couldn’t afford to take off his cute little brother’s mask yet.
“Thank you, Vio-chan.”
For thinking that she wanted to recompense him, for Yulan, for Yulan’s feelings.
Even though that kindness was all for himself. It was not for Violette, but for himself that was thinking of Violette. It was all his own ego for wishing her to be happy.
That was why, there was only one thing that Yulan wished from Violette.
She didn’t have to do anything. She just needed to be there. Yulan wanted her to laugh if possible, but he wished that she could stay in peace, not getting hurt.
Because he would give and show her everything else.
“Stay with me.”
The air that leaked from her mouth, unable to form words, and the slightly opened lips looked soft. She was surprised… her expression showed that she didn’t expect what Yulan said, and her rounded eyes looked like a cat’s.
“Stay with me forever. Let me stay beside you. Please don’t think of going faraway.”
“Please don’t forget that I’m here beside you ”
When did he realize that her distorted face was when she was enduring, holding it in even though she was about to cry?
Violette was too used to being alone, scared of having someone nearby, and when he took his eyes off her, she quickly turned her back and ran somewhere. Surely, Violette herself didn’t even realize it. He could even call it a trait that was imprinted on her from an early age.
She was lonely when she was alone. She was afraid of love, and wanted to be loved. She wanted to be alone. She wanted someone to stay by her side, but she believed that there was no reason for anyone to do so.
In Violette’s mind, all contradictions swirled. She was afraid, hoped, gave up, and polished her heart.
As long as she was in that house, Violette would keep giving up.
That’s why, if her heart grew thin over and over again, Yulan decided that he had to overwrite it every time it happened.
“Vio-chan is not alone.”
Yulan watched Violette biting her lips and covered her eyes with his palm.
He felt her eyelashes touching his skin, and for some reason, it was a bit warm.
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