ISIWBYA Chapter 31

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Chapter 31 – You’re Not Alone (一人ではない)

 

By morning, Maryjun had regained her usual cheer. It was becoming more and more common for her to call Violette from behind when she was heading to the dinner room, and then walk alongside her in the corridor.

It didn’t change how Violette felt awkward with Maryjun, but responding to her everyday faithfulness every time mentally drained Violette to a high degree. Was it because of her defense instincts that she felt like Maryjun skillfully made the conversation between them go smoothly now?

As usual, Violette didn’t have any impression of the meal other than the taste, but that wasn’t something special, since it had been that way since childhood. Even if the single person meal changed into a happy family dining, she was just more uncomfortable because of the increasing number of people.

The desire to feel jealous of the three people who were wrapped in such a soft atmosphere had died a long time ago.

Ignoring the chattering of the others, Violette enjoyed her breakfast alone. The meals that always matched Violette’s preferences had always healed her loneliness in this large mansion, albeit only for a short while. Even so, it was exactly true that delicious foods would make her heart feel a lot better.

“That’s right, Onee-sama. Why don’t we have some tea together today?”

“Eh…”

“There are a lot of things that I want to tell you, so how about meeting up in my room?”

Maryjun had probably decided to come to grips with Violette’s thoughts on the other day for her. Violette was well aware that Maryjun tended to have dreams, but she was also frank. Although the girl had a tendency to act righteously, her way of thinking was not stubborn.

Violette thought that the fact that the girl had considered her words and wanted to discuss them was wonderful. Regardless of the outcome, being able to consider different opinions than what she believed until now would have a positive effect on Maryjun.

But that was just Maryjun’s side of the story, and from Violette’s point of view, she just wanted to say that she should do it somewhere else.

“I’m sorry, I have a prior engagement today…”

It was not a lie. She already had a promise for today, and due to Violette’s policy that previously planned engagement should be prioritized, she didn’t feel bad at all.

Still, the guilt of having a desire to refuse her seemed similar to that of a child who wanted to take a break from school by feigning illness. Even if she had made no promise, she couldn’t deny that she could have refused her using some kind of reason.

Fortunately, today’s schedule had already been filled in as of yesterday. No matter how she felt, there was no reason for Maryjun to blame her… or that was how it should be, properly speaking.

“Can’t you change your schedule for your younger sister?”

The tone harboured disgust and scorn in it. Violette felt as if the one who said that had had deepened his frown, and when she saw him in front of her she realized she was not wrong.

“Should you prioritize your whatever plan over your family?”

“That’s…”

The reason of her hesitation in replying was not because her father’s words were right on the point. On the contrary, it was to warn herself not to refute him by saying, “Are you in any position to say that?”

She didn’t want to hear “family” word from this person. She couldn’t believe those words had come from a man who once abandoned his wife and ignored his daughter. If he had resolved to change himself, couldn’t he have shown her a slight bit of kindness to her now?

In fact, this was only proof that his family didn’t include Violette.

The highest priority of her father’s world was surely Maryjun and his wife, Elfa. The role of the eldest daughter who he originally should’ve accepted happily was probably only a convenient sister who gave up everything for Maryjun.

This was not the first time that Violette’s body temperature dropped drastically and her heart felt like it slowly died.

For example, when the morning came and there was no one to say good morning to her.

For example, when she was eating alone in a large dining room.

For example, when her mother whispered her obsessed love to her.

Warmth left every part of her body, from her head to her feet, even her fingers became ice-cold. It was to the point where the depths of her heart lost its temperature and her blood stopped flowing just like that.

She had experienced this many times since a long time ago. Although it had been lesser since Marin came, she still felt it like it was a daily occurrence.

The pleasant taste that should’ve been there since a while ago was blown away in an instant, and her anticipation to the aftertaste was no longer apparent.

“Oh, Father, don’t say it like that. It can’t be helped if she has promised her time to someone else… I’m sorry for suddenly inviting you, Onee-sama.”

“…I’m sorry, Maryjun.”

“Onee-sama doesn’t have to apologise! Ah, but can I invite you again later on?”

“Yes… I’ll be waiting.”

“Yes!!”

That smile was gleaming without any worries in it. Did that mean Maryjun was really oblivious about Violette and her father?

It was only natural that Violette prioritized her promise. Even if her father criticised such a Violette, she perceived it as if her father was just scolding her and sympathized with her.

Her thought process was covered in sugar and syrup and grew up in a beautiful flower garden to the point that she thought that a molehill was a mountain. It was definitely benevolentce, gentle and beautiful in the middle of equality.

For someone who faced so much adversity in childhood, Marin felt like it was nothing but something that made her nauseous enough to vomit.

Marin desperately held her hands so that she wouldn’t show discomfort in her expression. Her palms had already gone beyond pain and lost their sensation, but if she relaxed her strength, she felt like she was going to hit someone.

Marin gazed at the back of her important master who was sitting diagonally in front of her. She wanted to hug that back right now and take her out of this room. She didn’t want these guys to even be at the edge of Violette’s field of vision.

But if she did that, these fools would definitely keep herself away from Violette. It was still alright if she was removed from being her personal maid, but if she was chased out of the mansion, that girl would really become alone. And these fools would greedily devour her heart.

Since Marin couldn’t tolerate that, she desperately transformed her thoughts into concern for Violette.

Violette’s proper posture was not different from usual. She was the same girl who was more beautiful than anyone, more wonderful than anyone.

That’s why, her heart was hurting.

Marin knew that for Violette, this much was nothing. It would be painful and sad, but she was accustomed to it.

Just as Marin thought, Violette had gotten used to this. No matter what kind of existence she was among them all, she didn’t feel anything other than the reality. Even if they told her that she was a stranger, she would answer with, “Right?”, or rather become convinced by that statement.

Violette continued to eat silently, wiped her clean mouth in front of her empty plate and stood up from her seat after making a vague reason.

“Violette.”

“…Yes.”

“You are not alone. Revise your freedom up until now and take care of your younger sister a little bit more.”

“…I will take that into my mind.”

Violette slowly lowered her head and took Marin out of the dining room.

She struggled with the desire to lift her skirt and start running and the desire to stop right now, and eventually reached her room with slower steps than usual.

“Violette-sama,”

A crying-like sound reached her ear. It was Marin, but not her normal voice. Her voice was shaking and gloomy like she was about to cry. Violette wondered what happened to her indifferent tone and turned back, only to find Marin’s expression also looked like she was about to cry, the same as her voice.

“Viole… sama.”

“Marin.”

“Vio…, sa…,”

“Thank you, Marin… I’m fine.”

Every time Marin clenched her teeth to avoid crying, her words disappeared gradually.

Was she feeling sad or painful, or angry enough to make her want to cry? Surely, all of those feelings were circulating in Marin’s heart, flowing through her blood.

Marin was usually so cool that she showed almost no emotions. Violette laughed after seeing such a servant was feeling hurt for her. Actually, it was hard to call it a smile, and she definitely couldn’t laugh at all.

Still, the remaining little white emotions left that had not been swallowed up inside her darkened heart turned into an energy to smile to her affection for Marin.

While telling Marin… and also herself that she was fine, Violette stroked her head even if she was already taller than herself.

Her father told her that she was not alone.

Her head felt like it was boiling. In an instant, her heart became black.

She wanted to scream loudly and tell him to die.

At that moment, Violette’s head was filled with resentment of anger, to the point that she was likely to repeat her mistakes.

She couldn’t forgive those words.

How long did she wish for those words, that she was not alone? How many times did her heart recover because of those words?

Marin and Yulan comforted her, telling her that over and over again.

She was alone all the time. She was alone in the loneliness.

She had reached out her hand again and again to try and cut through the sky in this large house. Even though she already knew that no one would hold her hand back, even without needing anyone to say it, she cried, calling for someone who didn’t even have a name. One day, she also forgot to cry, and gave up even calling.

It was Marin who stayed by her side. It was Yulan who was there together with her. Those two people told her that she wouldn’t be alone.

Those words were very, very important words that saved the lonely and hopeless Violette.

Violette wanted to throw a plate at him, telling him that he spoke those great words just because of the circumstances. That his likes were unfit for those words.

She was really glad that there was nothing beside her that she could throw at that time. She was really relieved that she remembered herself in her previous life before she swore at him, and those thoughts strangely cleared the corner of her head.

The feelings that had risen to her head dispersed as soon as she comforted Marin. Heat returned to her cold fingertips. However, saying her mood had returned to what it was before would be an exaggeration.

She knew that getting angry was pointless. Even if she became emotional, nothing would be changed.

She wouldn’t be forgiven for throwing things, because that was not acceptable.

What was entangling her whole body was a constraint that kept her from escaping this place, and it was also a chain that told them not to get any closer than this to her.


 

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18 thoughts on “ISIWBYA Chapter 31

  1. F. I need to rant. Violette has been through so much unimaginable pain. It just gets worse the more we learn about her childhood. First this girl was unloved, abandoned by her father to live alone and neglected in that enormous empty house with no one to greet her in the morning, take care of her if she was ill, or listen to her troubles since she was probably a toddler but now he wants to call in his debts on her filial piety? He left her to have her identity slowly eroded by a sick, disturbed woman who violated her daughter emotionally, physically, and possibly sexually for years. When she died Violette probably didn’t even know if she should grieve or be relieved. But before she could even decide how to feel, this disgusting father brings back his concubine and daughter who he treasured and raised with love and care never shown to her. The kind of love she would literally die and kill for. Suddenly she was made a piece of furniture in that home that was empty for years and couldn’t even properly grieve. He paraded his fatherly affections in front of her and denigrated her for not being a proper daughter, noble-woman, and sister. What do you expect if you left her to be raised as a boy and never showed the slightest human sympathy.

    I really hope there isn’t a reconciliation plot with Maryjun. She’s part of the problem too. Ignorance isn’t an excuse for cruelty. She repeatedly steals from Violette and forces her in uncomfortable situations without a care for the consequences, whether that’s performing in public or before her father. They’re only family when it’s convenient and Maryjun is only her sister when it pleases her. Notice how it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t eat dinner with them until Maryjun wants Violette to flatter her with company. She’s a girl who has everything Violette has ever wanted but doesn’t even have the shame to realize it. Yet she throws a fit when she doesn’t have Violette’s love and admiration. It’s the last thing Violette has left for herself, but this selfish girl won’t even let her keep that. They’re no different from Violette’s mother. Everyone in this family treats her like a doll

  2. “Take care of your younger sister…” MY ASSSS!!!
    I’m sooo angryyy you as*hole!!
    Who are you to talk about that?!!

    Sorry for the rant..but he doesn’t deserve Vio!!

    Ah thanks for the update anyway. I don’t care if it is MTLed as long as I can read it🙏
    Thanks for your hardwork 🤗🙏

  3. Whens this story gonna start going in her favor. That shithead of a father, the hoe of a mother and even Mary. Though she didn’t do anything outwardly wrong, just her pure naivety and lack of not being able to see whats really going one, its more than enough.
    Bless Marin and Yulan. I actually hope Vio-chan can share her worries with them more. About her experience and the “future” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ff75d728b33f90be0310a0eb87a581bfcbb0abe9874362402ec3c74aa2c7f3e.png

  4. I’m also looking forwards to Violette talking back to her father, but I don’t think it’s likely. Her goal is to quietly wait for graduation, and then become a nun. Without interfering with anyone else’s happiness. A fight with her father wouldn’t help her, it wouldn’t change his feelings, and at this point she doesn’t want him to love her anyway. Not having meals with them would be best, but that itself would cause problems.

    What I’m curious is what did she do in the original timeline that she feels so guilty about. In a sense, her past life had achieved her revenge. I just went over the prologue and from what it says, she wanted to take revenge on her family that she felt only wanted to hurt her. She did something (described as hurt people and break things) and apparently it was so terrible that it was likely her family would be demoted and Maryjun would not be able to marry the prince anymore.

    But immediately after she comes to regret everything, and it doesn’t seem to be because she was imprisoned. It’s not the consequences for her, but the indelible pain she caused to others that she regrets. Was it that imprisonment cooled her feeling enough for her to understand her own actions? I do wish they were more clear on her motivations and such.

    1. As far as I can tell what she’s done is largely bother the prince( probably more and more desperately as he got more attached to her sister), attack her sister in various ways during school for having everything she wanted, and finally culminated it with attempting to murder her sister after she was engaged to the prince. Meaning she tried to murder the princes fiance and the one her parents actually give a fuck about. She seemingly ignored Yulan largely during that time period because she seems to have functionally no memory of her during her year of madness and Marin has no power to help her though she might have finally snapped at some point as well. The only way she avoided the death penalty was that the victim Maryjun wanted to protect her sister as best she could……its actually hard to tell her Maryjun was the same as she was before or if Vio’s far more volatile nature the first time around made her actually realize what her sister had gone through due to outbursts that this time are held back, because its hard to imagine Maryjun standing up for her repeatedly in that timeline otherwise when she so readily stands against bullies and the like and just had an attempt made on her life.

      Its actually fairly likely that in that timeline her strongest ally WAS Maryjun but she couldn’t see that through the haze of madness and hate she had going on.

  5. This chapter is soo sad. I teared up reading this. Vio’s father is terrible and who is he to demand something from Violette like that? I wished Vio snapped back at her father, or threw something at him.

  6. What a curse… she shares his face with her own… she is the spitting image of her horseshit dad 🙁 every time she looks in the mirror she sees him as did her fucked up Mother…

  7. This is all very sad, but I need something to break in this story soon. Violette suffering in silence for 30 more chapters is not compelling reading. I get she has a tragic backstory. I get her current ‘family’ is a bunch of self-centered narcissists who only care about whether she can conform to the place they want her to occupy. That’s a great starting point, but I need some character growth or some change in the dynamic or this will just devolve into unending angst-porn.

    The original of this is at 90 chapters and still on-going, which means I can’t calculate how far into the story we are. Usually I expect forward progression of plot or characters by about the 25-30% mark. Guess I’ll give this one to chapter 40.

  8. My heart is heartbroken for Violette. I want her *dad* to suffer…and that maryjun I couldn’t make myself like her…I only feel some sort of repulsion for her so far, but we’ll see if that changes although I doubt it.

  9. Please tell me Maryjun finds out what an asshole her dad is. I know I’ve said this before but I realllly want to see her reaction to learning that.

    1. I sure hope not. I can already imagine the infuriating response the ‘sweet’ and ‘innocent’ maryjun would make. The sympathy and the self-guilt over the situation she is powerless over and all that, before Violette accepts her (because she innocent) and they slowly mend their relationship. This novel seems to follow the stereotypical character roles and cliches very closely. Lets be honest if she had any shred of self awareness she would have known already. She is a child of a mistress. Also if this was reality that father would have gotten her.properly eduacted in nobility by now.

  10. The main reason I keep reading is just for the chance to see her dad got utterly fucked. That little shit gotta be among top 10 worst otome dad. What a fucking shithead cunt. I really hope we’ll see him suffer, no reconciliation bullshit with poor Vio.

    1. Can there even be reconciliation after all the sh*t he put her through?
      I’m wondering what’s the stepmom’s position in all this, is she pulling the same thing as her daughter, the I don’t know anything, therefore I’m innocent

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